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00081.

The last time I posted was about my friend sick from cancer...

Sad, shortly after she couldnt attend my wedding because she was too sick. As I knew I was pregnant and next to no one knew.

That July she was gone.

Now the same month I wrote.... the same month I come back. Its Mothers Day, My daughter is almost 16 months old.
I indulged into a little bit of wine after she was asleep. I took a bath for the first time in forever in my home. My husband fixed our tap, ... it was a long time coming.

I was listening to a 90s Alt mix of music ( In which I am still listening to now :p ) I had a $1  coconut candle burning and a Glass of white wine.

Simple makes me happy.

The music took me where I really needed to go.

Counting Crows took me to a friend I missed dearly.
Alot took me to when I was an impressible Pre-teen.
Mostly It took me to where I needed to find ...me.

I dont even care if It's the wine talking, its where I needed to be.

You would think the fermented grapes made me express myself like a bloody Bong rip LMFAO
All in my head.

One of the most important things that came to me was my home ( Though it stresses me out the most) is what I make it.
She needs alot of work. Shes small. But we have more then most have. If this was an apartment I'd be in love.
Maybe it was just the light that was different.
Tomorrow will the the same.

At least I know what I need to do next.



Writer's Block: Music of my heart

What’s that one song that always reminds you of the one that got away?

 I can name you a whole soundtrack.

The first thing I thought though was  Heroes - David Bowie

<3

000076.

I think I need to actually start making To-Do Lists to function properly.

I have the WORST memory in the world.

I lack in time managment. always have, hope thqat I won't  always will and I can ONE DAY improve on it.

Work today is slow. I was going to Bring Social tickets for something to do and number / Void them, cause I would have the time to do so... I FUCKING FORGOT THEM.

My head , is CONSTANTLY like a Siv..

I always find something to stress about.

... I miss my mom.

I FINALLY have my doctors appointment this week. Made it in January!!! JANUARY!!! for a physical !!! and I got in, in July! -_-'

Le sigh*

and thats my entry LOL

000075.

So im confused :(  My friends page is COMPLETELY BARE..... there is nothing there... so I cant read any posts from anyone ....

Assuming everyone didnt do a group mass block to Harmony lol :P

-__- I thought it would of corrected itself .... nope ....weird.

I DO NOT want to make another account.

000074.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I hear Apparently every month  or so there is this poem reading competition at the Kings head. I  Do not know what I would be in for. I am sure that there are 10 time more better writters then I . BUT It also makes me want to write. Its odd giving me this reason. I am really looking forward to write this month to see what I come up with. There are even prizes apparently. I wan to get into more things liek this ... I want to know about EVERYTHING that goes on....

I was JUST informed that they change the themem each month ... Super cool.  I wanna find out the theme for next month

000068.

No words can explain my last few days...

This is the first time I felt like that i could spend more then 20 minutes on the computer not feel uncomfortable or quilty and worked up. Im tense, even now. So much to do, but what can I be dong right now. I feel my siblings anxiety. Right now they are sitting on a plane about to take off, and I can feel what they are feeling. My eyes have been wide open since 6:30 & I started feeling it then, messaged them right away telling them I lov them and safe travels etc.

This Christmas is going to feel empty. I know I will hve VERY MANY PPL around me that care and that I love and I am thankful for that. But there will be that thing in me that is missing them, and it wont be the same till they are home. Their tickets are extended till Late January. This Far from my main concern, but I cant help but have it in the back of my head. I cant help but wish that all was at peace, & all is okay.

Im scared of there safety and im praying that everything will go smoothly and fall into place from here on out.

The old familiar faces I seen, the people I didnt even know that knew my dad & thier concern was fa-nominal. Old neighbors, Old roomates, freinds & Family & most of all strangers. The story went across Canada. And strangers from Edmonton to Places in ontario so willing to help. 

Im exhausted talking about it really...thinking about it. This is too close for comfort this is to close to home. It hit my "home",
M y dads injuries are frightening & its going to take alot of courage to do what my siblings are doing. I love my family, no matter what it once entitled. I love my family. My sister held my hand in the car on the way to the benefit event and said : I would do anything for my family, i would do anything for all of you, I would walk miles." and I cried.

This is all so surreal. And this is the reality they have to hit today.

I ave been feeling so sick to my stomach since I heard all of this. Feeling off of everyone, Had days o not knowing how to function or what to do.

I'll write more at a later date. I cant just sit here.

I love everyone so much, Support emotionally and physically has been appreciated more then you know.

000062. - two by 2.

Yoga + sushi = wow <3

Went to stay with my sister for a bit after our thanksgiving dinner. Id love to get into more yoga... mostly that hot yoga I have been hearing about. I over heard a girl saying you burn like 900 calories or soemthing THATS INSANE!

But yesterday I just did meditation and relaxation. My sister wasn't kidding about a great sleep after, I felt it more in the morning and i went to bed at like 11 :P

Started writng a  song yesterday. Its sounded better on my sisters guitar & a room that can carry my voice. I didnt get passed the first chorus though. Felt good that I did something.

My thought of wedding colors kinda changed lolt ehy said this would happen lol I didnt think so ... then guess what lol :P

lime green purple and white. with outdoor & wood it will look great. White only random in decoration.

I stopped thinking crazy about it for awhile then my sister got my creative juices going Damn it.

Oi I need a job. And BAD... its starting to catch up on me and I dont like it.

000060.

I don't feel like writing to much at the moment. I think I will later. for I did have an AWESOME time in Toronto :) But right now I just felt like posting links to these videos that Kristiana has on her youtube.

Hard to not be out of sorts today. Time goes way to fast and I dont know how today came up so quickly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6eeMPcMVa8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBBQ7kbx88k


"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

 

Fredrick Thomas Clingen 30.09.09 <3


000058.

OUCH MY FACE!!!!

This morning I woke up feeling like shit on a stick!!! -_-'

A cold from Dave.... went to nick and came my way. FOR THE RECORD!!... Nick is now fine... and I have this feeling that I will be stuck with this right until Im in Toronto !!! yay

You know your man loves you when you finally have your night to ... heh "personally" celebrate your engagement... make dinner!!!... you know Have bubbly! chill ... and try and be sexy while you have snot running down your face!!!! :P One word- HOT! lol... or not so much :P

*Face in his lap* ....

" Oh man that's not sexy! "

.... -_-' 

So Toronto!!!

Going for his cousins wedding :) Nick if originally from Toronto :) Moved here when he was 15-16 for his mom and Frank to be together.
Nick is Italian... they do not kid - a HUGE family. When nick's mom was telling me about her first marrage they had 500 people. Damielle *nicks cousin* is having 250. Almost all family. Just if immediate Family on Nicks side came for our Wedding...it would be at least 30. <-- Just Toronto :P

Anyways I am excited to go to a wedding and get ideas and finally meet all of his family *specially his Grandmother* wth a ring on my finger ^.^ Apparently this is quite the Family :P I shall coem bck with good Stories I am sure!!

Plus excited to meet ashley in toronto for a visit on the sunday :)


... OUCh my face... OUCH my face.... please let this go away by tuesday at least... PLEASE!!!

000057.

Apparently what im looking for is called "tea length" and ballroom. Been looking up " poofy dresses" :P Then there is always my vintage classics <3 Enjoy.








Wish I had a full length picture. Marilyn.



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**** This one I am very fond of :P ****



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<3